Faith, Trust, and Hope

It's hard to believe it's been 4 months since I've posted an update. I haven't written because there just isn't a whole lot to say.

The summer and early fall were overall fairly slow with potential adoption news. In the past month, we have had more circulars come through than in probably the previous 3 months combined. That is encouraging, but there are also many families who are waiting to adopt. We haven't been chosen yet.

This has been quite discouraging at times, especially as often times it seems the birth mom already has preferences before even reading about us, such as wanting a couple with infertility, with no kids, or a stay-at-home mom. One from a  few weeks ago stated "absolutely no day care, only family caring for the child" which would have been true for our family until this month when I switched jobs. Nora now goes to day care one day a week at a great in-home, licensed day care of someone we know and trust. That one felt exasperating because you never know what life circumstances may bring and you can't promise something like that.

This is some of the raw hardness about it all. Some may think we're crazy to begin with because we've been able to have biological children. Some may think we should've gone a different route for adoption or met a "bigger" need in foster care. Some may say this, some may think that…. and I start to say this and think that and wonder if we got it all wrong.

But that's when I'm thankful for the decision-making process God took us through and the call to adopt that was clear in holy moments. Every time I begin to sink into hopelessness, distrust, anxiety, or frustration, I feel God gently nudging me and saying, "Do you trust me?" It doesn't mean I always respond well and come out of it joyful and singing, but it helps me have that glimmer of hope. 

So while it's hard to see friends birthing their 3rd children when I've been "pregnant" with mine longer, our girls growing up so quickly and the age gap widening, and repeated times of getting an e-mail that another family has been chosen, I am continually challenged to have faith, trust and hope by the One who called us to this and knows every piece of the story.